Where Have All the Dames Gone?

I grew up watching and being inspired by the women I saw in those old black and white 30's and 40's movies. Women like Claudette Colbert, Ginger Rogers, Barbara Stanwyck, Myrna Loy, Paulette Goddard, Rosalind Russell, Lauren Bacall, Bette Davis, Joan Crawford, Jean Harlow -- all dames. Dames were self-reliant, they were funny, they were straight-forward (though they could bend the truth when necessary), they were smart, they were sexy, and they didn't take themselves too seriously.

Today, most of the women populating popular culture are vapid at best, and stark-raving nuts at worst. They're largely dumb, self-obsessed, substance abusing, promiscuous, lacking in self-respect and underwear. In fact, their stock in trade is actually BEING dumb, crazy, and promiscuous. (If you think I'm wrong, ask yourself: Right now, in 2008, what is Britney famous for? What is Lindsay famous for? What is Paris famous for?)

I miss dames. I want to see more dames. And I want to see more dame-ness in myself. When confronted with a situation or problem, I like to ask, "What would Myrna do?" When I find myself acting coy or self-abnegating or coquettish or simply "less-than," I confront myself with, "Is this how Barbara Stanwyck would do?" (And if the answer is no, I immediately "dame up.")

So I'm writing a book called, The Lost Art of Being a Dame. In an era when standards about what it is to be female are either cracked or creaky, I suggest we brush off the cobwebs and take another look at a model that embraces authenticity, independence, confidence, compassion, wit, wisdom, strength, sexuality and style. It’s time the “dame” was resurrected, and her unique blend of substance and style was newly celebrated and cultivated.

Part self-help, part memoir, part pop culture, part relationship and style, The Lost Art of Being a Dame encourages girls and women to really own the entire span of their feminine arsenals. Helping readers channel the “dame within,” The Lost Art of Being a Dame is a guide to the lost art of living life with poise, brains, gumption, and style.

I really want to hear from you. What are your thoughts on dame-ness? Is it a lost art? What makes a dame? How can one foster dameness in oneself? What are your favorite dame sayings, and who are your favorite dames?

In the meantime, let's all dame up.