My Engagement FAQ

Thank you so much everyone for all your sweet, kind words; the outpouring of emotion — and the squealing — has been overwhelming, and I’m really so appreciative. There have been many questions though, so to simplify and clarify things, here is the FAQ I sent out to acquaintances:

Strange how the things that I thought the future would bring – robot maids, jet-packs, my own army of chimpanzees – have not come to pass, while things no one foretold – the Internet, iPods, Ryan Seacrest  – have. And now, another unlikely event that no one would have ever predicted: I am engaged. To be married.  To a man.  A real live, non-incarcerated man. (I’m so sorry, would you like a glass of water? Some smelling salts?)  

As many of you know, the man whom I’ll be slowly driving insane for the rest of his natural life is Jeffrey Laite (pronounced ‘late’). Jeff is just about the greatest guy in the whole wide world.  He’s loaded with character, busting with brains, and chock full of integrity, sweetness and knowledge. Basically, he’s better than any of you and way, way better than me in every way. If you want more details... Here are the questions I’ve been getting, and their condign answers:

Will you be keeping your last name?
Hells no! I will be Dixie Laite.  I am all over that capital  L; it just looks cool.

What do you say to all the feminists whom  you are betraying?
Um...kiss my big, fat, affianced ass?

Is  this your first marriage? Is it his?
Yep. We are both over our 45  and this is our first marriage ever.  If memory serves, odds were  better that I’d be killed by a terrorist. (Somewhere a terrorist is shaking  his little terrorist fist in frustration.)

How did you  meet?
You mean, “The Cutest Story Ever Told”™ ? It involves Marcus  Aurelius, the New York Transit Authority, and ridiculously expensive panties.  Really.

Is he Jewish?
Uh, his name is Jeffrey Harrison  Laite. You do the math.

What’s he like?
Completely  wonderful. My pet name for him is “tangible evidence of God.” He’s going to be  a great husband. (You can see his picture on my Facebook and MySpace  pages.)
 
When is the wedding?
Not sure. Probably next  March. Depending on how hard it is to get elephants and white tigers this  Fall.

Will you be wearing a wedding dress?
People, I’m  46. It would certainly be too Diane Arbus-y. And the whole  wearing white thing? I think that ship has sailed. The jig is, as they say,  UP.
 
Will it be a religious ceremony?
I’m the only  “religious” one in both families, so I’d say no. But, I am hoping for lots of  dry ice, and maybe a catapult or spears or something.
 
What  about all your pets, your dogs and birds?
Well, we’ll let them decide  what religion they want for themselves when they grow  up.
 
Thanks again for all the well wishes, and much love for, and to, you all.

Comments

[Gentry]

What's a girl gotta do to see the damn ring?

xoxo,
-G

[Dixie]

Gentry, photo is coming. I'm out-of-town, but you'll see it soon in all its princess-y cut glory. It's The Three Cs-tatsic!