When I was young, Hollywood Squares was on every afternoon after school. Like Match Game* and Tattletales, it made up a big part of my pre-teen entertainment pie. These game shows were uniquely innocent and lewd at the same time. Quasi C-list celebrities (who more primarily celebrities by virtue of being on game shows) responded to innocuous questions with quasi-bawdy retorts.
Q: You're the world's most popular fruit. What are you?
Q: What is said to be wasted on the young?
Lynde: A whipping.
Q: What is the most abused and neglected part of the body?
Lynde: Well, mine may be abused but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q: What is a "dual purpose cow?"
Lynde: It gives milk and cookies. But I wouldn't recommend the cookies.
Q: Why do the Hells Angels wear leather?
Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles so easily.
Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually wag his tail. What will a goose do?
Lynde: Make him bark.
Q: Which is better looking, a pixie or a fairy?
Lynde: I'll go for the fairy.
Q: Who are more likely to be romantically responsive. Women under thirty or women over thirty?
Lynde: I don't have a third choice?
Q: Paul, how many men on a hockey team?
Lynde: Oh, about half.
Q: Why was Nathan Hale hung?
Q: Why do sheep sleep huddled up?
Lynde: Because Little Boy Blue is a weirdo!
Q: Does Mark Spitz believe swimming in the nude helps you go faster?
Lynde: Well, it's easier to steer.
Q: Paul, why are forest rangers in remote locations ordering goats as standard equipment?
Lynde: Because the sheep are wising up.
Q: True or false: in the recent world kissing contest in England, two contestants were disqualified when they got too passionate.
Lynde: Yes, but they went on to win in three other categories.
Q: True or false: Paul Revere had sixteen children.
Lynde: From one midnight ride?
Q: You’re equipped with a pick, a sieve, and a shallow pan. What are you about to do?
Lynde: Joan Crawford's eyebrows.
Q: If a man falls overboard on a ship, you yell "Man overboard". What do you say if a woman falls overboard?
Lynde: Full speed ahead.
Q: Where are you most likely to find heather on the ground?
Lynde: At the company picnic.